Friday, April 28, 2006
There are so many beggars in India that you wouldnt give them a second ook ( in many cases not even the first ). But htis old rag-picker had something that stopped me from looking away. She had eyes that shone, pleaded, cried and laughed, all at once. And a smile so genuine & captivating, it touched every corner of my heart.
Surely, if there was a language that didnt need words to melt your soul, then this was it :)
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
My first roomie in my first year of Dentistry was a super duper senior, who had taken admission in MBBS in 1985 ( the yr of inception of the college ) and was still to clear final yr. He treated me like shit, and wanted me to be a slave to him, to clean the room, to fill water for him. I flatly refused to be subdued thus, and I had to pay dearly for that too. That s a different story altogether. Very soon he could tolerate my audacity no longer & told me to make a move.
My new roomie was worse. He was even senior to the first one. A chronic drunkard, with no consideration for anyone. One who boasted unabashedly about him & his contacts & his riches etc etc etc. He would come to the room drunk at 3 in the morning, and would shout at the security guard till 6 in the morning. If I happenend to be unlucky , he would want to come to the room & sleep, and would bang the door like a maniac till I would get up & open the door. That wasnt all.., he would make me listen to his boasts ( or his abuses depending on his mood ) for the rest of the night. Those 2 years were pure torture & agony.
Of late, in my new Paying guest place, Ive had 4 roomies in 4 months. The first was a 56 yr old man, sales manager for Pantaloons South India. His snoring was unbearable & as long as he was there, I had sleepless nights. The second & third ones were sweet, but would say thank you for each & every thing, even if I would say just a hello !!!!
The latest one is an Animator with alopecia ( loss of hair syndrome ). He works night shifts & returns only at 12 am & thereon speaks on the phone for the entire night to some girl ( his girlfriend i hope ). This all he does, in the very room where Im sleeping. Another one giving me sleepless nights. Dunno what do my roomies have against my sleep !!!!! Grrrrr!!!!
Friday, April 21, 2006
It is most important to do away with the retrograde thoughts & impressions of the society. There is so much of talk about the abuse of the girl child (before or after birth) among the illiterate, but sadly, nothing could be farther from the truth. It has almost nothing to do with the level of education, because commoditisation of women, dowry etc exists from the lowest ebb to the highest level. It is part of the thought & tradition ingrained in this country. That is why female infanticide is so rampant here. Though dowry is supposedly eliminated in India, its an open secret that it takes place all the time. At times, the dowry can go into lakhs/crores of rupees, plus jewellery plus vehicle plus wedding costs. No wonder then that many families curse the day when the girl child is born, because from the day she is born to the day she gets married, they cannot sleep in peace. It is THIS thought that needs to be changed. The bride is the biggest dowry in herself. She brings a lot into the house which cannot be measured in material terms.
We need to relook & refresh our take on this matter. This primarily would be achieved by changing the mindset of the public, and also doing away with ancient thoughts that belittle women. Today, a woman is capable or more than capable than man in any field. So it does come as a surprise doesnt it, that these things are still so common? Even the ancient texts put women down. The Ramayan has shown how just because a dhobi was heard complaining about Sita (who had just been rescued from Lanka where she was held captive by a man other than her husband), Ram sent her into vanvas coz he didnt want his subjects to think badly of him. The Mahabharata shows how Draupadi was used as a pawn in the most shameful way n the game of shatranj. And later she was shared by all the Pandava brothers. The Bible too, is not far behind, coz as some chapters depict, it puts women at the feet of their husbands, and forbids them from doing anything contrary to the wishes of their hubbies. They are restricted from many activities reserved exclusively for men. Maybe the other texts also show such insults, but this is all I know of.
One of my friends is worried about her marriage, bcoz her parents in law have been living in the stone age, where in their community, it is expected that the girl will bear expenses of the wedding and also bring lot of cash & jewellery. Now they are not expecting it anymore, but they have never saved up for the marriage bcoz of this false belief. So at the end of the day, it ends up being a thinly veiled but evident..., dowry. Another one of my Andhraiite pal did his dental degree only bcoz he knows that it 'l increase his value in the marriage market, upto many many millions/billions.
This needs to change. The politics & marketeering in marriage needs to change. Marriage should be a time of happiness, not added headaches better avoided...
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Then came Easter lunch at Feb's aunt's place. Chicken, pork and aapams. Yummm!!!! Plus there was the charming company of uncle, aunty & Feb's cousins - Anisha and Akhil. Anisha's become so quiet since I last met her a year back. And her talk-virus seems to have passed on to Akhil, who went on & on & on, running all over the place, displaying magic tricks, Power rangers stunts. Oh, by the way I had a Breezer (since Im allergic to any higher form of alcohol, and breezer s supposed to be like juice). I must be hyper-sensitive, coz that too was enough to make me go Lobster-red & drowsy !!!!! There goes my last hope
Akhil kept calling me Ching (as in China) coz he just couldnt get my name, and decided it was better to say something that was easier for him to relate to !!! It rained that evening, the first rain , and the smell of mitti... Heavenly !!
With all good things happening, something has to go wrong doesnt it? Came in the form of fashion disaster yesterday in KFC. Was hogging as usual, when I realised I was getting wierd looks from people around me. A little self-examination revealed why. I was wearing a red shirt & black trousers. Whats wrong with that? Well, that is the uniform combination of Pizza hut!!!!! And it was strikingly similar to that of KFC too. I definitely came out red-faced, and that red shirt is not going to see the light of day anytime soon :)
Saturday, April 15, 2006
In spite of love all around, be that of parents or friends, happiness within, at times like these when I inexplicably feel lonely & depressed.
I try to find the reason for this, but discover none. All I get is a blank wall.
These sudden bouts of unhappiness, what are they & why do they sadden me without reason?
Breaks my heart to think about it
Life is tough...
It takes up a lot of your time, all ur weekends, and what do u get at the end of it?
Death ! A great reward...
I think life is all backwards.
You shouyld die first, get it out of the way.
Then you should live 20 yrs in an old age home
you get kicked out when you're too young
you get a gold watch. You go to work.
You work for 40 yrs till you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You go to college. You party till you are ready for hi-school.
You become a little kid. You play, you have no responsibilites.
You become a little boy or girl
You go back into the womb. You spend your last 9 months floating
And you finish off as a gleam in someone's eye....
Amazing isnt it? :) Never fails to make me smile
Is this kind of trash ingrained or are they just following a trend that has brought success to people before them?
On a lighter note, for all those people obsessed with, or who can write only loooong mails (like me), heed this piece of (brilliant) advice :
A blog should be short & sweet like a girl's skirt.
Long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to still be interesting ;)
Friday, April 14, 2006
At times like that, I distract myself. I sing, break into a jig, trouble others and so on. My tone becomes sing-song. However, it doesnt always work. And coupled with some sort of problem in work, it can drive me up the wall. In circumstances like those, I become uncannily quiet & a little snappy too ;)
Here it comes, an abridged & unedited (except for a few names) version of the last few diary entries of late last year
Thoughts are forever on my mind, but not often on paper. Wrds are often on my lips, but not always are they formed into sentences. It is often when I feel strongly about something but fail to write it down beacuse of laziness or procrastination
A matter bugging me is how there's been a distance now between me & my friends. All because now they're either in relationships, or close to someone. Dips, Feb, Soc, Shruti, Mani. I know they must have felt the same way when I was with N, but that time it was just me,& they were all single. Now I have to bear the loneliness most of the times, alone.
College is over officially, though Im still doing my repetition which hopefully gets over this Tueday. Already a lot of friends have stopped coming to college since they finished long back. S has left for home. It was an emotional moment. We did not part on the best of terms because of an unfortunate misunderstanding that Im unaware of, and that led to a rift between us. Still, the moment of separation is a tough one, & as he left that day, I couldnt help but feel sentimental & sorry that we did not part as amicably as we ought to have. Shruthi wept & was in a very snappy mood which irritated me. S is her best pal, maybe more than that, & she was more upset than anyone over his departure. But I think I can be really selfish & self-centred, & fail to sense the importance of another's emotions. Sanjiv, Nitu, Das & Imran had also come to see him off. Looking at the bond that they shared, I wondeed how I never became such good friends with them. True, they are my friends, but I think Ive constructed a wall around me, as a result of which Im not close to too many people. Plus, most of my best friends are girls. Someone help me figure that one out!!!
I have a crush on *@!^@$!!!! She's also a Scorp.Funny how I keep falling for Scorpios inspite of having had a disastrous relationship with one. She's cute, a little arrogant, which I like despite of myself, and she s not afraid to speak her mind.
One of the endearing things about hostel is Aditya Ashok & his car music system playng full blast music just outside my room at nights. That too, not the usual hip hop , but funny numbers like Mughal-e-azam or Pyar humey kis mod pe le aaya!!!! The hostel has also been a place of many overheard conversations, witnessed fights & also a constant source of mosquitoes & motorbike exhaust.
Today, Imrans bike got towed away & I took him to the ploice station, a dilapidated one with centuries old paint, damp walls, small rooms with officials & tonnes of files, slow creaky fans & a statistical chart depicting the fine collected over the last 3 yrs (with plenty of spelling mistakes & offense-entry such as "for carrrying lengthy material" . Heaven knows I tought something else out of it!!! (though it meant for carryin tubes & pipes etc)
Radz had called up & said that Princi refused to give her signatures because she saw us hugging & kissing (?????) on College Day. Thats a new one for me... Another stupid hurdle just before leaving!!!
I seriously dont know why Ive put up this post, but yesterday I was going through the diary & it showed how much my thoughts have changed & how introspective I can be at times. Plus a few funny incidents , so thought Id put it up here.
One of my buddies is very much in love with his girl. So once when he had made big plans to spend the weekend with her, uinfortunately she had to go to Mysore with family. And you cant give excuses to family for not coming along.
So my friend was disheartened & in this toota-dil state, he wrote the following couplet for her on her return:
My heart was sore,
Because you went to Mysore.
Cute !!! ;)
Dr. Rajkumar was the doyen of Kannada cinema, who was passionate about Kannada and Karnataka. One of his songs sum up his entire philosophy in life. Translated it goes thus, "If you have to be born, Be born in Karnataka." Beautiful lyrics which showed his commitment & love for the state. This image portrayed by him in real & reel life inspired many across the state & they considered him thier annavaru (elder brother). He injected self-confidence & pride into the residents of the state.
But what happened in the aftermath of his death was deplorable. It was an irony that a day marked for mourning turned into a day of unprecedented violence, death & pure hooliganism. True, the people here consider him only second to God, and they were broke emotionally on this event. But their reaction was truly appaling.
Is this the way of showing respect to this man ? If Rajkumar's so called 'fans' really believed in his ideology, then they would not have resorted to such means. They wouldnt have broken down & shamed the Karnataka he so loved. What they achieved out of this mindless aggression is a mystery to me.
The event also gave an opportunity to anti-social elements to display their mettle & thereon lies a long story. The city of Bangalore was thrown out of gear. What did the fans achieve? Defacement & shaming of one of the beacons of the state.
Truly, if annavaru is watchin all this from his heavenly abode, he would be heartbroken...
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Monday, April 10, 2006
What is it about blind faith?? I agree that many lives & a lot of goodness in this world thrive on faith. But why blind faith? Why do people stick blindly to what their religious texts or leaders have them believe? They could or could not be right. Everything & everyone is always open to speculation & scrutiny.
Instance : It could be that the info in The Da vinci Code could be malicious & aimed at shaking the foundations of Christianity. It could be that the recently unearthed Gospel of Judas (NatGeo) could again have been written by someone who is anti-christianity. But then again, they could be 100% true too. Just because the findings in both are contrary to beliefs in Christianity doesnt hold them wrong. What is wrong in speculating the authencity or the falseness of this info? The reactions to such findings can be shocking too. A friend of mine said "balls" when I spoke about the Gospel of Judas. Shocking, considering she never uses the minorest of foul words. But one question to the foundation of their faith, and the dark side emerges. Wen such a friend, the epitome of selflessness responds thus, its quite disturbing.People tell me things are true or false because their religious text says so. I say, very good, its important to have faith & to trust the wise men & women who wrote those texts. But as with everything, there are inherent errors in these texts too, and it would be foolish to follow the path of those errors. It is downright harmful.
And why look down on other faiths? The people who believe in other faiths and not yours are not damned!!! God is one & there is no worry as long as you worship them, be they in the avatar of Raam, Jesus, Allah, Guru Gobind Singh et al. Sai Baba & Gautam Buddha were ordinary mortals who became extraordinary by their teachings. They said "God is one, foe evryone". This is what I really like about them. They do not say that those who do not believe in me shall burn in hell for eternity. The God who propagates that is no God at all !!!! The religion that spreads this hated propaganda, I disagree with that religion.
I have no qualms going to any place of worship. I have been to temples, gurudwaras & churches. Not to mosques coz they have a strict code & outsiders / kafirs are not allowed. I used to regularly go to Church coz of their teachings. The good thing about church sermons are hat they tell you how you can live your life better, and believe me its really worth emulating those teachings in life. But as soon as the religious jargon begins, I shut my mind out.
There is a little bit of crap in every religion. No religion is perfect. But we can make it perfect by vowing to imbibe the positive attributes in our lives, and by vehemently rejecting the prehistoric & negative notions put forward by them.
God is one. He loves us all. He does not discriminate. Then who the hell gave us the right to discriminate such? God stands for truth, and if there is something contrary to him, it might or might not be true, but it sure deserves research & study, not denial.There's no debating that.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Little did I know that Buddha Jayanti had wrapped up the day before.
There goes another lousy excuse for desparately needed break...
2 for luck, 1 for nought, and it goes on somewhat. Cant recall. But the birds bring back memories. Of school. Of the hills of Mussoorie.
School was choc-a-bloc with turtle doves, and glee predominated on sighting a couple of them. Of course, catching them in odd numbers had us scampering for cover, literally. Oh the naivety of youth! Ultimately , there'd be no place to run to, coz the doves were everywhere.
Dunno if they brought luck or not, but they definitely gave memories to swear by, for the rest of my life.
I guess those 5 yrs of BDS were so nightmarish that I hardly had any dreams, or not many I can recall. Childhood was different, with no worries & no cares, and plenty of dreams. Two recurring dreams of days gone by (approximately when I was about 7-8 yrs old) were as told here :
- Im riding my tricycle (!!!) and riding it up the stairs of a multistory building if u can beat that! Sorta like hindi movies huh? Well, once I get to the terrace, I race the tricycle off the edge & land safely on terra firma, as gracefully as a cat.
- Im walking on the edge of a precipice & suddenly I see a vortex in front of me , the likes of a whirlpool. I jump into it & keep falling, falling, falling....
The common thread between these two is that Im falling. While in one, I land safely inspite of the great height, in the other, the end never comes. Falling in dreams is interpreted as insecurity or fear of failure. Nowadays am dreaming big time wierd!!!! People & places change at random, there is no time/space co-ordination, and events occuring are those that I would never even think of!! But maybe in the deepest subconscience, these are things bothering me, or atleast something that I supposedly give a lot of thought to.
Wonder what these dreams mean?
Saturday, April 08, 2006
The headiness of attraction. The rush of ecstasy. The urge to shout your joy out loud...
And still, nothing within...
No feeling. No sentiment.
Has the past stoned me so much? Is the hewart nothing but bricks & mortar now?
So we went for chinese. Maddy & me were tagging along for company, but of course, its difficult to resist the temptation of food. So I joined in too. Maddy picked here n there but thats it. That girl really eats like a bird & she s got the figure (!) to show for it. Well so anyhow we go check our mail after that, and febs still busy on the comp. So maddy n me take off for some paan. And to my horror, I find maddy buying it from a paan shop right outside a bar full of drunk, horny & desperate men. She was definitely the axis of every man's attention then. Even when we 3 went for some ice-cream, there were a lot of heads turning. Hmmmmmmm!
Still, we had a great time, just walking around, chatting, joking, which all ended us in dropping Feb to her doorstep. After that it was home again but the evening remained fresh in my mind for the simple pleasures of company.
*Sigh* Need more days like these
The lights go out. Thats the only time when you can gather your thoughts. When awake, there are too many colors, too many distractions. But in the darkness, its just you, your thoughts & the silhouttes.
The moonlight gazing through the swivelling curtains, act as masseurs to my senses.
The gently blowing wind - Zephyr, caresses my skin, puts my desires into overdrive
To have thoughts of that special someone , and then to realise (with a chuckle ) that there is no special someone.
On this note, trying to fall asleep, though sleep is miles away. Trying to dream, to deny gloom a chance to prevail. Im alive and kicking. Im happy in a long long time
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Zit - a slang for pimple.
And of late Ive been having lots of them. Its a gross or menial thing to talk about, but you cant help discussing them when you are plagued by them.
The place where I live now is very very dusty so that adds to my misery, and no amount of scrubbing & washing helps! Plus Im intolerant to heat. So a little bit of deprivation of 'fan' priveleges, can have me melting to the ground.
Soon, there will be less of a face & more of a zit in what people look at.
Yuck !!!! Gross thought
I clamp my eyes shut. I pretend to be tired & desperate to sleep. Thoughts racing through my head. Why, when, where.
Planning tomorrow. Remembering yesterday.
So many things to do. So little time. Tried to sleep but ended up blogging.
Enormous chasm between thought & reality.
Mercurial fantasies. Impossible dreams.
Gushing through the passages of my mind
Overwhelming. Baffling. Confusing
The confused state of mind in the above blog bears testimony that I can write these kind of blogs either only when Im sleepy, or really bored ;)
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Calvin & Hobbes are like therapy!!!!!!
Must have gone through their adventures a million times. Have read the same panels over & over again, what with almost everu english daily carrying them on their pages nowadays. No matter what frame of mind I am in, Calvin & Hobbes never fails to cheer me. The sheer genius of the artist & the ideas which he has imposed upon the kid wonder & his stuffed but real enough tiger bely your wildest imaginations & beg for your attention.
Hats off to Bill Waterson for providing us mortals with eternal salvation. Halleluia!! (that's how its spelt right?)
Depressed? Stressed out? Angry? Try Calvin & Hobbes. Will soothe those frayed nerves for sure.
This one word carries so much of importance & humor in the lives of me & my batchmates. Its agonisingly painful to realise that those days are behind us now & that the 'hmmm' is seldom heard anymore.
The hmmmm originated with Chandan. Chandan had a very indirect way of telling you that he wasnt listening or wasnt interested in what you were speaking about. You could go on & on droning about life & yourself, and his reply would be a non-commital hmmmm. That was the indication for you to stop talking.
Soon, my friend Sumit & me also adopted this indirect but polite way of telling people when to shut up. Before we knew it, hmmmmm spread like a jungle fire. Everyone was using it, and not necessarily to tell people to bottle up, but also to irritate them at times ( Imagine you talk about about something important & the audience goes hmmmm. Now wouldnt that be annoying!) It soon spilled over into our daily lingo & also in our sms'es, which would start with hmm & end up being a fight with who could add more m's to the hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!
Kiddish, but there was a boyish thrill in all that that is no longer present now. Then came the song in Salaam Namaste - My Dil goes Hmmmmm....!!! It seemed as if the song had been made just for us!! I hummed the song day & night for the cheap thrills it provided me with. And now, all of a sudden, the bubble has burst.
Everyone has gone their own ways, and like all good things, the hmmmm also met with a premateur death. *Sigh*