Tuesday, November 07, 2006


What is it that changes perceptions within a heartbeat? When I mention a heartbeat, I do not mean the actual brief span but a comparatively longer period. Since we call the world a small place, in the same vein, I shall call a long period, a heartbeat…

I’m back to my hometown, Dhanbad, in Jharkhand. I have hardly ever spent any time in this place, considering that I’ve been in Dehradun for 8 yrs for my primary education, and then in Mussoorie for another 2 yrs for High School. Further education brought me to Bangalore for 6 yrs. And now, the time to move on to another sphere of life. I have my cards laid down before me, but it’s not an easy choice to make. There are too many things on my mind.

To be honest, I don’t want to come back to Dhanbad. The place sucks… a small town with not so cultured people, a place that is ridden with dirt & paan stains & bad roads & bad management of everything under the sun. A place which has extremes of weather, more towards the scorching extreme. A place with perennial water & electricity problems. And as much as I hate to say this, but yes, the problem of my parents being here too. I can see the frustration of Dhanbad creeping into them over the years. Frustrations regarding things that have nothing to do with them, but since it is something that affects life in Dhanbad on a daily basis, things tend to get a little ugly. The shouting, screaming, nagging, accusations & counter accusations are too much to bear. I do not wish to be a witness to this and I do not want this same frustration to pervert me too…

For all the above reasons & more, this place saps the energy out of me. People who see me in Bangalore & then in Dhanbad would not be able to recognize me here. I’m akin to a zombie here. I feel no inclination for anything. If it was possible, I would sit at home the entire day. There was a time when I believed that I would be able to adjust to this place sometime or the other, and I think I was right. I can stay in this place, but its going to be a very big compromise. The present situations might take me away from Dhanbad, but in the scenario where I have to return to Dhanbad for my work and future…. Well, I dread that day.

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