Friday, December 29, 2006


I realized something important today

For the past few weeks, I’ve been hasty. I’ve been getting angry with myself far too often. I’ve been blaming others, passing the buck on to them when it’s actually been my fault all along. I have been overly aggressive when it wasn’t needed. And so, time & again, I had to put up with inexplicable frustrations. Something like that happened today too. I’ve been running around for a simple demand draft for the past 3 days, all due to my own fault entirely. I was quick to blame everything on the manager and the staff, but then I stopped to think, and I realized I was just making a fool out of myself by being too selfish to credit my faults on to someone else.

All along, what I didn’t realize was that perhaps this was God’s way of testing me. Now I don’t intend to sound all preachy. As my blogger profile reveals, I’m a Buddhist but I do not believe in clashes due to religion. But I do believe that God has a path carved out in gold for each one of us. Now, for everyone’s convenience, let’s not give a name to God. This God is your God as well as mine. And I believe this is perhaps his/her way of telling me something that I might know, but am too afraid or egoistic to accept

The events over the past few weeks told me a few things – be calm. Don't get aggressive for no reason at all. Be polite, and try not to get angry. It is not as simple as it sounds to just count up to ten and make anger dissipate. A lot of conscious effort is required for this. You must stop blaming others for mistakes that you have made. Even if the mistake is entirely theirs, still, forgive them. Because arguments & quarrels will not solve anything, rather the matter will sink further in the murky quagmire. Retain your humility. Remain grounded. Always is a hopeless optimist. See the good things that happen in every event in your life. Do you think that the adage “whatever happens, happens for good” is too far fetched? Try applying a positive outlook to the dreariest & menial job or occurrence in your life and you will begin to see the validity of that same adage. Life will be ‘rosier’ and the frowns on your face are going to disappear gradually. If the anger or frustration is so difficult to shake off, do something constructive. Something you like. Listen to music, draw, read, sing out loud, chat with friends and so on. Now chatting with friends doesn’t mean narrating your sob story to them. Talk about good, positive things which would keep the conversation nice & healthy, without creating heartache for either of you.

Most importantly, just let it go. What has happened, as a result of whosoever’s fault, is not the end of the world. There’s so much more to life! Brooding over the ill-events is only going to make you feel more miserable for the next few hours, days, maybe even weeks!!! Not worth it at all, don’t you agree? Life is short. So many things to do, to achieve, to gain, to lose. And to waste this time, this life in crying over spilt milk is absolutely criminal. Life is full of blessings. Sometimes we’re just too blind to see them

“Don’t believe the best things in life are for free? Try not breathing for a while” – Bob Smithrich

What I mean to emphasize is that let petty things go.
Don’t fret over it forever or else our faces and character may forever be frozen in a gloomy countenance. Smile. Smile asmuch as you can, because a smile is the shortest distance between two people, and an instant bridge to kinship. Also know this; you never know who can fall in love with your smile.

“Laugh and the world laughs with you

Weep and you weep alone

For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth

But has trouble enough of its own”

- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

God always makes round faces

We are the ones who spoil it by making long faces”


Without my knowledge
You have crept up on me

Stealthily, giving no quarter
A false sense of security
A transient utopia

You came when I least expected you
Or maybe I was expecting you all along
The price for my own sins

Time is a river
Never static
Never stagnant
It leaves you behind
If you choose to

To not flow along
Is a crime, unforgivable
The stillness has cost you dear
It* has crept up on you
Silently, threateningly

(It* - Thesis, Exam, Applications)

Wednesday, December 27, 2006


Started reading Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

Getting a sense a deja vu....

The moors. The dark overtones

A sense of tragedy

The brilliantly original yet familiar prose

Those who have read Great Expectations by Charles Dickens would know what I'm talkin about

Lookin forward to the book


No prizes for guessin why

I love the green

Jayanagar 4th block, Bangalore

Tuesday, December 26, 2006


Now this junket happened months ago, but it never occured to write about it. Too many things were happening - Leaving Dr. JD's hospital (I hate goodbyes), worryin about the future (again) - but months later when aspersions have melted away and there is scope for rumination & clear thoughts, I thought I would write, nay, atleast put up pictures of the trip

The trip was impromptu decided. One of my colleagues, Dahlia, is from Jordan - she had to leave earlier than most, back to her mitti. And she really wanted to see something in India (she had come exclusiely for work purpose & now time was runnin out to have had any fun). Need I say, I didnt need an excuse & took off to Mysore. Whenever I hear about Mysore, I remember an anecdote. My pal's girl went to Mysore & he was oh-so-lonely without her. So on her return, he conjured a wittingly original card with those crazy but unforgettable words on it - My heart is sore because you went to Mysore!!!!!"

The journey to Mysore was longer than I expected. I had thought it to be quite close to Bangalore but it took us a few hours more. Our very first stop was Sangam, Srirangapatnam. I dont knowthe exact history of it, but what I do know is that the Umbrella boat ride we took was real exciting ( I dont know what the boat is called traditionally either, but this is the name I give to it). The next few stops were Tipu Sultan's mausoleum, Gumbaz and Tipu's summer palace. Each of these places had exquisite glimpses of Persian & Mughal architectural genius ! Mysore is probably much hotter than a century ago, so the summer palace didnt really provide much respite from the heat. But the sheer beauty & intricate details of the fading paintings & the crumbling facades was fascinating. At the summer palace, the tickets for foreigners was 100 bucks, and 5bucks for Indian citizens. Now I am an Indian citizen, but the problem was to convince the ticketwallah to believe that both of us were Indians. Piece of cake, considering I can manage decent Kannada (regional language). I told she was my fiancee (!!!) & they let us go on 5 buck tickets :) Of course, at the security check we had some problems again, but nothing a bit of sweet talk wouldnt solve :)

Next on to Mysore palace. A mammoth structure, of which even a lengthy description would be an injustice to its beauty & charm. When it was built by the then Maharajah of Mysore, he didnt want it to have Mughal touches alone. So the palace is a mix of Victorian , Persian & Mughal architecture. A grand procession in the Golden chariot takes place during Dasara every year even till today, headed by the Maharajah of Mysore (maharajah on paper). 6 yrs in Karnataka and I still havent attended that !Photography is prohibited inside the palace, so I cannot put up the most beautiful part of the palace here. There is a lot of walking to be done here, barefoot!!!! By the end of it, you would feel completely drained out, but mentally refreshed. Definitely worth a visit!

Our next stop was the Mysore zoo, desperately awaited for by Dahlia. She really wanted to see elephants (there are no elephants in Jordan) - the zoo is huge & comparatively well maintained than most zoos in the country. We covered most of the zoo, seeing a variety of birds, apes, tigers, giraffes, gorilla et al. Unfortunately for Dahlia, the elephants were located in the fag end of the zoo, & by the time we got close, we were dead on our feet & it was time for zoo closure as well. I felt bad for Dahlia as she left India without seeing an actual, healthy, and as she put it, cute elephant (we shall discount the fact that she did see a malnourished, dirty elephant at the palace, with which she was very, very disappointed).

Since we were running behind schedule, we missed out Chamundeshwari devi temple (a temple on top of the hill). Our last stop was to be KRS dam, and Brindavan gardens. The dam looked demure in the fading light of the day, and after sundown, the lighting of the place was something worth coming for. I guess the pictures here would speak for themselves.

We left for Blore quite late, getting back only by 11 pm. We were beat, we were exhausted, but it was a fun trip


I see you
Hidden behind that veil

The eyes are all I see

And yet, that seems enough

So many tears, unseen

So much joy, unfettered

So much love, unrequited

So much hate, buried inside

So many emotions, bundled up inside
Yet unspeaking

A silent language

No heart, no mind

No sound, no syllable

Just your eyes

I understand

The silent language

Your language

Monday, December 25, 2006


Tis' the season to give? Then,
mon ami....

Gift kindness

Gift compassion

Gift love

Gift brotherhood

Gift unity

Gift peace

Gift concern

Material gifts are worthless
Someday at Christmas by Stevie Wonder

Someday at Christmas

Men won't be boys
playing with bombs like kids play with toys
One warm December, our hearts will see

A World where men are free

Someday at Christmas
There'll be no wars
When we have learned what christmas is for
When we found what life is really worth
There'll be Peace on Earth

Some day all our dreams will come to be
Some day in a world where men are free
Maybe not in time for you and me
But someday at Christmas time

Someday at Christmas

We'll see a land

With no hungry children and no empty hand

One happy morning, people will share
A world where people care

Someday at Christmas

They'll be no tears
All Men are equal, and no man has fears

One shiny moment, one faraway, from our world today

Someday all our dreams will come to be

Someday in a world where men are free
Maybe not in time for you and me

But someday at Christmas time

Someday at Christmas, men will not care
Hate will be gone, and love will prevail

Someday a new world, that we can start

With hope in every heart Someday at Christmas time!!


Justin and Gloria - popularly known as Glory

She - a mad chatterbox. Always brimming with news about everything under the sun. Very creative

He - comparatively quiet, good lookin' but doesn't give patta to the gals. Has high standards yaar ;)


Current fave advertisement

Sony Ericsson Walkman phones

I LOVE music !!!


Fell in love

Not with a person, but with a place.Mangalore. Was there for hardly a day, but the little glimpses I caught, impressed me and pampered my senses. Mangalore is a mix of so many places - variegated. A dash of Goa, a hint of Bombay, a slice of Kerala. And an unpleasant sense of home in the congestion, traffic & crowd.

The rhythmic rise & fall of the roads reminded me of a hill station -
of Mussoorie & of Gangtok. Humid, but in a sensuous manner. Endless columns of tall, slender arecanut trees on either side, providing shade and standing guard. Old traditional houses with thatched roofs & Christmas decorations galore. Creaky little buses characteristic of coastal areas.

Was denied the time & pleasure of visiting much more - the beaches, the uncanny serenity of Mangalore. My purpose was to attend my best buddy, Feblin's engagement.
Her house was set in a place very much like what I have described above. Little time, but I fell in love with the city - small & beautiful

Thursday, December 21, 2006


Though it may sound weird to those of us who've learned to jabber in Queen's English, Australian accent has cool written all over it. Sure, they got some real freaky pronounciations : for instance :

Today - to-die
Cricket - Creaky
Baby - By-bee
Danger - Daa-injure

In spite of all these hilarious misogynms, I have become a fan of Australian.... sorry. Aas-try-lian accent. Wicked !

Wednesday, December 20, 2006


A visit to a new cafe - The Sanctuary [#4 Banaswadi main road, Cooke town, Bangalore] turned out to be a blessed experience. Run by a pal's aunt, this was an inaugural session. It was visualised as a concept cafe, one quite different from others of the same category. This has a coffee shop, a chapel, an inspirational library & inspirational gift shop. Tiny place, but the decor and the stuff on offer is alluring, and this place was needed in this area too. As comfy as most good places can get. Dont let the size of the place fool you

What I had also not counted on was the presence of this guy called Benny Prasad. Benny has his own music ministry and plays the guitar in a soulful manner. He has preached the teachings of Jesus far and wide, 111 countries to be precise. When we started off, I moaned, "Not again", coz I don't really have the hots for sermons [I usually find them exaggerated & fake]. I was due to take off in 10 minutes for my dance class. And then, this guy starts speakin...... I did not budge from my seat till an hour later. There was a certain charm & honesty in Benny's testimonial, and I liked what he said - basic, and applicable to all. Some touching statements made -

Never consider yourself useless, no matter what, because God is always there for you & with you. The biggest failures in life also have God with them. They just have to open their eyes & feel God's presence.

Give your life to God and God will give beautiful things in return.
Never run after money & fame, because they are not the paramount issues in life.

All our sufferings & humiliations & failures in life are good too, coz they remind us of our roots and keep us humble. And no sufffering ever goes waste. There's always an atonement for it.

Even a broken, miserable life can be healed & uplifted if there is faith. Faith is a very dangerous thing to lose, coz when you have it, you can move mountains

The statement that I liked the most was, "Never give your cheap time to God. Your best time is what God deserves, and hence, put your best time with your whole heart before God."

Benny shared a lot of stories & anecdotes, which are too many to mention here. Overall, I was lucky to have been there, coz no matter whether we believe in a certain God or not, the talk was general & motivating. It urges you to find peace within yourselves. All the fame & all the wealth cannot buy you peace of mind, peace of body & soul. We have given ourselves to the rat race in such a way that we have forgotten the actual good things in life - love, compassion, care, happiness. We've made success and money the sole aims of our lives. Never works, really. At the end of the day, we are still rats, and we have lost more than we have gained.

I had a blessed time, and am going to spend some quality time in that place, alone or with friends. The peace there is elevating

[ For more on The Sanctuary - or Aunty Indrani - 9844079973 ]
[ For more on Benny Prasad - ]

Tuesday, December 19, 2006


We are funny beings

When we exult, we cry. Tears of happiness

When we are sad, we cry. Tears of depression

When we lose someone or something special, we cry. Tears of loss

When we get something precious back, we cry. Tears of relief

We cry at the betrayal of friends. Tears of hurt

We cry at the benevolence of enemies. Tears of astonishment

We cry at poverty around us. Tears of hopelessness

We cry that we might never achieve that which the rich have. Tears of want

We cry in pain. We cry in joy

Such subtleties of human nature. Cryptic. Mysterious. Unfathomable. Sure makes me wanna laugh


Saw a cute lil' girl walking out of her school, replete with a halo and angelic wings. Probably just done with a pre-Christmas skit.

Carry on girl. Tis' the season to advertise :)


Women may be the gentler sex, but they sure aren't the quieter one !!! As painful as it may sound, men seem to have been right about this all along - women DO talk too much. From dawn to dusk, with strangers or friends, to plants & even the goldfish in its bowl - women can & do strike up a conversation anywhere, anytime. Research suggests that the average woman speaks nearly three times as many words per day as the average man - 20,000 spoken words as opposed to a tiddly 7000 by men. Quite a gabfest !

Now. either men are the strong and silent type ( they may just have nothing much to say!) or women love to easily expound on anything & everything under the sun. Of course, women's love for loquacity has much more scientific reason than mere love for one's voice. In her book,The female mind, Dr. Louann Brizendine says that the male hormone testosterone shrinks the area responsible for communication, emotion & memory, thereby making men less voluble, more forgetful & detached. She adds that women have more brain cells set aside for communication. And the act of talking triggers a flood of chemicals that gives them a rush akin to that experienced by heroin addicts on a high. Perhaps that explains the satisfied glow on a woman's fae after she has talked your ear off! Just ask a man how his day has been & the answer most probably would be a monosyllabic "tiring". The same query posed to a woman would licit an answer that would include a long winded tirade about tyrannical bosses, noisy colleagues, escalating cost of groceries & cosmetics and the utter disregard the garbage collector shows her. In effect. she will recount the entire day for you, replete with all the feelings & emotions that accompanied each encounter & conversation

Women also talk more as they have many roles to play & each role requires verbosity at its best.And by nature, women need to share their experiences as opposed to men who are predisposed to introspection. Of course, its a different story that most women need to talk it out even while introspecting, even if its only to themselves!

A basic reason or marital discord is the man's complaint that the woman talks too much, and the woman's grouse that the man doesn't talk at all. Men and women are just wired differently, that must be understood. While a professional problem will make a man retreat into his own quiet shell, the same issue will see the woman ensuring that her entire circle of friends & their neighbours know exactly what is happening at her workplace and why he ought to burn the place down

Explains Dr. Shetty .. "The quantum of words is always reated to the amount of feelings. And as women feel more, they also talk more. Talking is a way of sharing , and information sharing comes very naturally to them."

So there IS a reason for the constant babble. It seems that in the race of the motor mouths, women are the sole contenders & winners, even though by default !!

Paraphrased from TimesLife, Dec17th, Abha Srivastava


Monday, December 18, 2006


The advantages of carrying your camera everywhere :)


Hate to feel like this

The scimitars of Loneliness, depression and old memories often engulf us in their arms all at the same time . This is one such hour.

There are no tears in my eyes. Only, in my mind. The mind feels what the eyes cannot explain.

The heart is leaden. Emotions fogged. Abysmal gloom - and a pall of darkness. There are heralds of sunrise everywhere, still there is only evenings & nights within me.

I see nothing. I am blind

I hear nothing. I am deaf

I speak nothing . I am mute

But I am not heartless. But I still feel....

Sunday, December 17, 2006


I dreamt last night

And it left me confused

Too real, too practical. Failed to realise I was dreaming. No curtain between dream and reality

No more fantastic dreams of childhood. No improbable scenarios & impossible events. All too real.

Takes the fun out of dreaming. Escapism - plugged


Do you find yourself unable to say 'no' to each & every request that comes your way? Here are some reasons why ...

It’s just a 2 letter word. It takes less than a second to utter. And it’s by far the simplest term in the lexicon. Yet, we stumble helplessly when its time to use it. We moan, we cry, crib & look at people’s backs dagger-eyed, but we just don’t pucker our lips enough to say a firm & resounding ‘NO’! In fact, most of us don’t even whimper a meek ‘no’. We sit with a befuddled expression as our list of things to do extends to the neighbour’s house: we mutter curses under our breath when more work than we can handle is shoved at us; and we daydream about leaving on a jet plane, only to crash land when a distant relative calls up demanding to be a house guest for a few days. Somehow, saying ‘no’ doesn’t figure anywhere in the list of options.

One wonders whether we are just suckers for punishment. Why else would the majority of a populace give the word ‘no’ step motherly treatment? According to clinical psychologist Seema Hingorrany, the inability to say ‘no’ is generally a self-esteem issue. “You’ll find it difficult to say no if you are out to please everybody. It is also a personality problem which may have its roots in childhood. For instance, if you’ve been deprived of positive reinforcement from our parents in your early years, then your need to be accepted is greater in adulthood,” she explains. Saying ‘yes’ means inclusion in a crowd, and saying ‘no’ means being left out in the cold, all by your ownsome lonesome. No wonder we live in a world where adults walk around with a child-like need to be praised & acknowledged…

New Jersey based psychologist Patricia Farrell agrees & adds that the need to please is instilled in us from an early age when we learn to be ‘nice’. Now, being nice, of course, can have several connotations. From accepting party invitations that encourage your feet to sleep to accepting projects that are sure to induce a bad case of nerves, niceness is a rubber-band that can be stretched forever.

According to Hingorrany, people who can’t say ‘no’ have an intense fear of failure. That coupled with the obsession of proving to others that they are perfectly capable of handling everything, makes them say ‘yes’. And thus starts the vicious circle. The more you bend, the more weight will be piled on your back. Till you finally buckle under pressure which will maraud your self-confidence.

“And to rebuild that confidence, such people will yet again start saying ‘yes’,” explains Hingorrany. She adds that it’s basically a matter of conditioning and attitude. If you’ve grown up thinking that by saying ‘no’ you’re grievously hurting the other person, then till your golden years you’ll just be busy saying ‘yes’ to the world. Such people usually put others & their needs above their own self & individuality. Today's world needs such people of course, but at the same time there are so many leeches in our society that such selfless people are bound to get exploited to the hilt. Most of us want to avoid conflicts too, so we just give in without realizing that by doing so, we are inadvertently training the other person to continue behaving in the same manner. The answer, of course, is to stand firm and bellow ‘no’! Though if only life was that easy…


  • Make your no firm & don’t quibble or buckle under pressure
  • Realise that you need to set boundaries for yourself, & allowing others to overstep Is detrimental to your well-being
  • Stick to your plan. If saying ‘yes’ to something throws your other plans to the winds, ask yourself if it’s worth it.
  • Explain why you can’t accommodate a particular request to the other person.
  • Know that you’re not being unreasonable
  • Try to lose the guilt. Guilt-ridden tasks are rarely well-accomplished, so you’d actually do yourself a favor by avoiding them in the first place.
Times Life, December 17th

Friday, December 15, 2006


I recently watched JP Dutta's L.O.C. Kargil.

And I cried

Not because it was a heart rending movie. No, on the contrary it was one of the worst war movies I've ever seen. Overly dramatized, overly sentimental and shows Pakistani soldiers as complete buffoons, who can't even hold a gun straight. Credit is given where credit is due, and I'm sure Pakistani soldiers are brave & smart too. The Indian soldiers were depicted as nigh Gods, who just walked anywhere & everywhere & conquered all. The actuality is that all the victories were hard won, and paid for heavily in blood & life. For all the supposed truths in the movie,I hated it

But coming back to the point of why I cried. A sense of patriotism, although latent, dwells in all of us. Patriotism does not mean we lambast and launch war against anyone who seems threatening. I cried because I felt for those soldiers who died for us. And there were tears of rage too which kept asking me the same question, over & over again.

Why? Why? WHY????

Why did this happen? Why do wars over the world happen?Why can't we live in peace? Why has land & power become more important than people itself? Why must we fight??? Why must we make bigger & better weapons when they are better-ing the world? The human race?

Our support to our people & our government is very crucial at a time of crisis. And this same patriotism makes you cry when you hear of the brave soldiers who died on the warfront so that we could sleep in peace, meet friends, go for movies and lounge about in the malls as if nothing has happened. Unless it hits us directly, we may never know what it is to be like a soldier... one who stays away from family & loved ones for months together in the hostile terrains of the battlefield. The soldier fights for the land that he loves and the stranger living on that land who he does not even know. A sense of patriotism is what drives a soldier, who in the face of all odds still emerges victorious.

I might forget about this whole episode until I watch another war movie, or until something comes in the news, but while I can, I salute you guys. You, who are as nameless to me as I am to you. You, who are dying so that I may live. You, who are suffering so that I may smile.We owe you much more than you get. You are... the true heroes. You are .. my heroes


Falling sick can be an extremely traumatising, depressing and draining experience. It's one of the few things that can make me feel so helpless

So here I was. on my bed, taking my night-nap after a day of running around. I have some fruits. I brush my teeth, and blissfully drift away to dreamland. Ironically enough, I dream that I am having mind-rending headaches, and when I wake up, I realise they werent dreams at all!!!

Been all dazed with a heaviness in my head and body, and boy, does it make me feel helpless
Can't move around, cant speak in my usual hyper-enthu manner. Hell, I can hardly type here. And I keep feeling I'm gonna eject ! Can't eat. Can't stay hungry. And if that ain't bad enough, I have no one to take care of me. Some people are relieved when they fall sick, coz they have a mom, or sibling, friend or relative to pamper them for a brief while. No such luck here :(

In a state of sickness, memories form a deluge and one can never feel so gloomy in any other situation.
Here I lie alone, with eyes heavy, and heart downcast. Damn the medicines are taking too long to act. Sigh*

Thursday, December 14, 2006


All the great books of the world...

The Bible, The Quran, The Bhagwad Gita, The Granth Sahib

Teach us to love each other

Only the Kamasutra explains how !!!!!


Somebody once asked God, what surprises him most about mankind

God replied,

"They lose their health to make money, and then lose their money to restore their health.
By thinking anxiously about their future, they forget their present
They live as if they will never die, and die as if they have never lived"


First I was dying to finish high school and start college
Then I was dying to finish college and start working
Then I was dying to get married and have children
And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough so I could go back to work
But then I was dying to retire.
And now I am dying... and suddenly I realised,
All my life, I forgot to 'live'

Geetha M.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


I just love this one - Courtesy, Reader's Digest

A farmer paid a fortune to buy a stallion. A month later, the horse got sick & he farmer called the vet.

"Your horse has a virus. Give it this medicine for 3 days. If it hasn't recovered by the 3rd day, we'll have to put it to sleep"

The Pig who was nearby overheard the conversation

The farmer gave the horse the medicine on the 1st day, but it didn't get any better. The Pig approached the horse and said,

"Courage, my friend. Get up"

On the 2nd day, the horse didn't get any better

"Come on friend, get up or else you will die!!!!" warned the Pig

On the 3rd day, the armer gave the horse the medicine but to no avail. The vet arrived and said,

"I'm afraid we have to put him away, otherwise the virus might spread to the other horses."

The Pig heard this & quickly ran to the horse.

"Come on!!!!! The vet's arrived. It's now or never !!!!! Get up quickly. You can do it!!!!"

Suddenly, the horse jumped up and ran away

"It's a miracle!!!! We must celebrate," yelled the farmer.

"Let's have a feast. KILL THE PIG!!!!!!"